Take a few minutes and reflect on a time in the past when someone made you extremely angry or devastated you with inappropriate behavior. Try to remember the feelings experienced during this time. (Disclaimer- you decide. You’re on your own.)

When did this happen? Yesterday?  Last week?  Six months ago?  Oh, did you say 10 years ago? So what have you been doing since then? It’s amazing what we remember, and what we choose to forget.  Why retain a memory of a situation that created grief and despair?  So many questions, yet the primary question that needs to be answered is why.

Reflecting on my experience, I kept a memory of an uncomfortable incident for over 20 years! Why?  Because I could. I manage my memory. At the time of the incident, I was a person who loved humor, making jokes, and making people laugh. (I still do!) This time, while engaging in a funny activity, I was touched inappropriately by a friend. While he laughed, I looked at him with an angry facial expression. He saw my face and assumed I was joking and laughed harder.  I said nothing. Afterwards, I would occasionally have thoughts of what happened, and I could feel my blood boiling as I was still angry.

10 years later. While visiting family, guess who shows up!

“Hey Lil,” he said. “I miss you and the fun we used to have” as I was being held in a bear hug.” I’m so happy to see you!” Blah, blah, blah. I wasn’t responding.  I pretended I wasn’t feeling good as I was not showing any enthusiasm.

Afterwards, I had to process what had happened, and why.  Thinking back on the incident, what stood out for me was the fact that I didn’t say anything when it happened. Nothing.  I’m sure I expected my facial expression to speak for me. It didn’t. Why didn’t I say anything?  I could have shared my feelings on any of those occasions when we were together, but I didn’t.  Instead, I held on to this feeling for 2 decades!

Now, what is the impact of retaining useless, emotionally draining and incorrect information? The time I spent revisiting the incident I gave life to, should have been spent engaging in activities I enjoyed with people I valued.  But it wasn’t.  I cannot get back the time I’ve wasted.  It’s gone. The joys and pleasures that would have been experienced during that time didn’t happen.  I successfully wasted years of my life. Lesson Learned – Let It Go!